Yesterday

I went to Cumbria on a Yellow Sign trip.

I like the landscape of what used to be Lancashire (a place where everyone matters). I never really gave much thought to where I’d end up when I devised my plan, because in the grand scheme of things it didn’t matter. I can write anywhere, and I’m a phone, letters and email sort of person so although I’m not the best person at staying in touch with friends I do manage pretty well.

I’ve worried a lot about coming back to Lancaster, partly because I’ve never liked going back in time and partly because there are no jobs around here. But gods, as long as I can get out up there where there’s no one around, up along the coast and out into the hills. I can live here. I loved doing that back in my first year at uni here (of course the fact that my friends were mostly post grads and in the swimming and mountaineering clubs really helped in terms of cars and places they already knew). I guess I just need to improve my distance abilities on the bike, see if I can combine walking and cycling a little better than I have before. Just call me Josie Dew! I had really good fun cycling up towards Clougha and then hiking out last year. Normally I prefer non-circular hikes but I’m lacking cash for a lot of trains. My tent fits pretty well in my panniers I just need to figure out routes and stuff that are workable. I have no intention of taking up mountain biking, I just can’t afford to run a car. Of course I might be able to persuade a couple of friends to take me out to the middle of nowhere one Friday and come and get me back from somewhere else on a Sunday… (Yes, oh friends with cars, I’m hinting!)

I’m not so worried right now. I don’t want to live in Lancaster. I’m not a city girl and yes urban types Lancaster feels like a city to me. I do want this writing gig to work, this is my dream and right now I don’t have a back up plan of any real worth to me. These last few months my life has been tipped upside down a bit too often for my peace of mind. So this working would be really, really good.

I don’t know whether it was the walking or the Land or what but I felt really energised by the time it got to Pagan Soc’s Beltane ritual. I hadn’t really been looking forward to it or Beltane particularly this year but I’m feeling quite May Dayish now. My toasts at the symbl surprised even me to be honest, my patrons first and the trickster popped up, then the May Day of it all had me toast Sir Gawain who put his head on a block because he’d given his word. My last toast was a repeat of the one I made at New Year. I’m beginning to feel as if I’m getting back to a fairly straight and simple morality, I’ve been paddling about in the shallows of uncertainty for a while now, too many maybes and almosts for my preference.
Truth is important when it comes to Honour. I think that’s why I toasted Loki last night, he’s a very honest god in what he says, the truth is a painful and cleansing fire and it makes playing in the seas of love ever so much better.

Gods, the energy, things are so close to something.