‘Where The Fuck Be I?’

The above is a quote from what has been my favourite book for the last (I think) ten years.

I started this job in the hopes I’d get some regular money coming in, and be able to help The Jellicle pay for stuff for a little while before going back to my writing. I applied for it permanently because it’s part time and I figured on the off-chance that I got it it would be quite nice. I wasn’t expecting to like it as much as I have. Unfortunately I am not the greatest admin/clerical/receptiony type person in the world. Didn’t get it.

Started to think maybe I should go on with my plan, such as it was, to TEFL around the world, or at least Europe and get back on track with what I’d intended to do with my life before I boomeranged back to Castle Moon. I don’t really want to do that anymore – oh I still intend to travel, but until I’ve got my solid base here all worked out I’m not intending to live abroad.

I suppose it’s not a huge surprise that I no longer wish to do with myself the same things that I wanted to do when I was eleven (well, except for one thing) but I feel a bit rocked by life over the past two years. My goals, my aims, everything I decided to work towards changed a great deal over these past two years and love, as ever I’ve said, leaves you weak as well as strong. I came back expecting to really go for somethings, and then life swept me in every direction at once and all my heartfelt aiming had to get directed somewhere, so, I’ve done very little that’s tangible overall these past two years. Written some. Painted some. Not enough though for an exhibition or not well enough to get published and life has swept me up and presented me with too many conclusions that were the same I started out with.

Well I don’t want to live abroad, that’s something definate.

Now what?