Anxiety

Life is getting on top of me and I’m not really sure what to do about it. I’m hugely concious of letting people down and interfereing in people’s happiness – and yeah, by happiness I mean spoiling their roleplaying/giving my opinions on their life/not being reliable. I can’t seem to get my stress levels down and I’m thinking about going to the GP about it…only…would they actually be able to tell me anything useful or are they just going to try and tell me I’m Depressed (I’m honestly not – no Swamp in sight) and put me on meds? Or even worse are they just going to tell me that life is stressful get on with it like a normal person?

I keep listing things to see if I am being a wuss or if I have got stuff to be worried about and I keep ending up on the side of – I complain too much.

1. I found out that I’m Aspergic…which disappoints me because I always thought I had a unique take on life rather than having a learning difficulty. But I found this out about four years ago, I should be over this by now.

2. Break-ups that were really nothing to do with me still make me sad and I feel very guilty about this because they were for the best.

3. I’m trying to earn money but I’m almost completely financially dependant on the Jellicle Cat and this makes me feel hugely guilty.

4. Everytime I try and tidy the damned house something comes up which I need to take care of right then and there.

5. I never seem to get the chance to roleplay because I always end up runnning games and the times that have to do the organisation of running always seems to be at the times when I could play. I really hated missing out on VIP tonight and I haven’t had a chance to play in a LURPs campaign in a long while. Likewise I had to give up the chance to play in a game that had been promising to run for years this term because I have too many other commitments.

6. The background of what if I never get to be a writer/when do I call it a day and go back to actually contributing to the Jellicle’s life instead of taking advantage of his generosity?

7. I may actually have something physically wrong with my immune system but I’ll find out about that later on this week.

Looking at these worries of mine they all seem so small. I suspect it is because they are built up that they seem bigger than they are. It feels a bit better to have a list but I don’t know what to do with the list. I’m not really sure what I would tell the doctor anyway – excuse me but I’m a bit of a worrier?

This whinge was brought to you by a moaner, excuse me whilst I man-up.