Had a really horrible dream last night and didn’t sleep at all well.
It started with a whole group of my friends and fellow roleplayers gathering in some house over the summer for a weekend of roleplay and then it flashed forward to the end where I was alone in a room with Man A. (I’ll not put names in for fear of embarrassing myself, but Man A is sweet, funny, slightly cute, very attached to his girlfriend and if I’d known him at uni I would definitely have gone there, probably to have been rebuffed in a sweet and funny, slightly embarrassed manner) I proceeded to steal several kisses from Man A only to be pulled firmly aside and gently told to stop it.
He then left me in the room feeling sad and slightly horny. Man B entered the room. (Man B is someone I did know whilst at uni and did get with and this was a mistake TM as he did bad things to my psyche) Man B then raped me. Quite grapically and painfully, and I know which scenes my brain patched together into a montage of horrible. I managed to escape and ran outside down the path towards my friends.
I was then in a corridor, running into the arms of Man C. (Man C is smart, flirty and very attached, if I’d known him at uni I would definitely have gone there and possibly not been rebuffed depending on attachment. More relevantly he’s also the sort of guy who I like to describe as ‘Last Resort’. If you’re in a club and some bloke starts hitting on you or trying to grab you then normally I can take care of myself, Man C, could be counted on to be my Last Resort of ‘get another man to get unwanted bloke to leave’, possibly by hitting him in extreme circumstances. Man C, is solid.) So I run into his arms and explain about Man B. Man C does not want to know. Man C refuses to believe that this is anything other than roleplay.
Thats about the point I wake up with tears running down my face and can’t get back to sleep.
Any thoughts about my psyche gratefully received.
I wonder if your psyche is trying to say that though roleplaying is wonderful, it is possible for you smart, creative and ever-so-slightly-obsessive types to overdo it a bit on occasion? … ;o)
Maybe the Easter break would be a good time for a holiday in Montevideo, Madrid or Morecambe?
As I said at breakfast, I hope your nightmares stop being nightmarish and bugger off somewhere else soon.
Also, I imagine that Man B is perhaps pulling some alarms in your psyche and that you should take a while off from seeing them. The dreamrape might represent the damage they did to your poor psychological well being and your mind asking to please stop now?
I think Man C’s responses were just your psyche being nasty to you 🙁