I am struggling to be motivated to do much of anything right now. The pandemic is almost over and I’ve been living in a state of reasonably high alert for over a year now. I know all the things I should be doing to combat this stress reaction, hell I’ve even been able to do some of them but my focus is shot and my desire to do anything and ability to follow through on that desire is somewhere through the floor.
I enjoyed hanging out online with people on Saturday, the nearest thing I could get to my annual Mexican party, we drank beer and Weasel delivered paella after I’d cooked it. There was a symbl of sorts and shots but there’s more and more the feeling of we need this to be over. There’s only so long you can make do. I can understand why people are claiming it’s all over already, I’m so desperate for it to be done with that I’d quite like for it to be over as well. My high risk profile from last year is way down now that one of the people I work with has gone into full time residential care (as of last month) and now we know how it passes I don’t have the full on adrenaline rush of ‘I might die’ when i’m heading out to work.
O negative blood vs the unknown is pretty much done with and it came out on top long enough for me to get double vaccinated.
Now theres just background low level stress and exhaustion.
We’re still sorting out the paperwork from Dad’s death which more than sucks and is this ever nagging, ever dragging background stress. I can’t seem to get into the right mood to write which is like some sort of circling, spiralling stress. Not even shitty poems are coming out at the moment. As for writing for LARP, that is stuck in some sort of black hole that I can’t reach.
