There’s a lot in therapy at the moment about setting healthy boundaries, about thinking about who toshare what with. It may suprise you, oh reader of my public diary, that I do in fact have boundaries. Or maybe it won’t if you know me to speak to and can tell how much of what I don’t put up here. What seems like a long time ago I was in conversation with The Eyes and Cornish Bloke and we were talking about the traditional examples of Healthy Boundaries, who you talk about what with when it comes to sharing your life. I expressed some concern because I couldn’t recognise any of the specific examples and Cornish Bloke pointed out that I do infact have quite strong boundaries, I just don’t have them in the same places as other people.
I think that’s been bothering CF lately, because my boundaries are all about politeness and he can’t tell where my politeness and his intersect.
We’ve been talking about avoidant attachment a bit in therapy. I do have strong boundaries it’s true, and there are things that don’t get mentioned on this blog, largely around not embarrassing other people but also about what I don’t want the world to know.
Sidenote, I will say this for camming, when the rest of the world is putting all kinds of things on facebook and instagram I do feel like I’ve got about a five year headstart in what I don’t want on the internet. Of course this does mean that I have some odd things that I am very relaxed about.
The fact that I know not to tell people what I really care about, what’s really important to me, isn’t something I learnt by camming. It’s why I was quite good at it. It’s why I’m quite good at supporting other people too, or at least have an idea of how to preserve their annonymity. The more important something is the less it comes up directly, these musings are about what’s going on sure, but I don’t tell people’s names and I don’t really do this very consciously. Because if I tell you something that’s meaningful to me, that gives you an opportunity to hurt me, useful when it comes to the internet and professionalism, less useful for a personal life.
I’m ok with my boundaries being in weird places but I want them to be conscious not unconscious reactions.
