I kind of hate the compliment some medical professionals use – that of having good insight into your mental health condition. I mean I get it, it’s like warning the phlebotomist that you might faint before she takes your blood. But, when you’re literally trying to think about what’s happening and the sodding organ that is supposed to tell you what you can see and feel all around you and it’s going wrong having insight that something new is wrong, or something has exacerbated what was already there but – oops turns out that actually that was misdiagnosed in the first place so all the things you’ve been trying to do to combat it were wrong. ARGH! Insight. It’s such a bollocks word. I hate it.
Turns out I probably don’t have Anxiety, I absolutely do have Depression so there’s that. And that thing where I felt like my entire self was breaking last year? And I could literally feel my brain not working – that was a mental break. Which they don’t call nervous breakdowns anymore, so there’s that at least.
It’s possible I could have avoided it, it would have been nice to recognise that I was not operating at base normal last year but that the pandemic has pushed me into base – slightly traumatised, but then where’s the fun in that? So yeah, I have insight into some whole new things and I really need to stop believing doctors when they tell me I have a thing but I’m constantly telling people, yeah I have Anxiety but it doesn’t present like… oh basically anyone elses…
