Dame Vivienne Westwood died today. I suspect the fact that that matters to me is going to hit a bit weird for people who don’t know either about the fact I love Lolita fashion or her influence upon it. EGL is punk, hell all of Lolita is punk, it’s rebellion in a distinctly feminine form. … Read More
Immediately after breaking up with The Fae Ref and Beautiful Lute I couldn’t cry. No surprise there, it felt like I’d been kicked in the chest and the rest of my body was a sponge of sadness. Eventually I cried. But the problem with being a grown-up and with breaking up just before Christmas is … Read More
This year was the year I started to really feel things. I did so much therapy last year, I really worked on things, so for all Reddit poly people can jump on my descriptions of my feelings towards The Fae Ref and Beautiful Lute and declare I’m an NRE addict, what remains is that this … Read More
Really early on this year I learnt something strange about myself, that when someone I know how to touch dies, my hands mourn. Dudge died before he got to my promised massage and I found that my hands could feel him. Were mapping out how to touch him, could feel were to pull back and … Read More
I am staying in The White County at The Jellicle’s parents for Christmas. I’m not sure the last time I was here for Christmas, to be quite honest I’m not sure the last time I wasn’t working until Christmas Eve or Christmas Day and yet this year I finished yesterday and I’m not working again … Read More
Yesterday I went to see the doctor about getting a diagnosis sorted out. Ended up in a conversation about trauma and information processing. Turns out when I couldn’t work out why I was struggling to process the dance calls at The Printers Guild Ball and was wondering if it was the low lighting or something … Read More
I had forgotten how much of a physical feeling heartbreak is. The first time my heart was broken was just before Christmas, possibly even Christmas Eve, I had a secret boyfriend and I had to go up to the payphone the otherside of the village to call him and talk to him without my parents … Read More
(Content Warning: Attempted Suicide, Violence, gory description, mentions of my own problems with suicidal ideation) FJ and I sat down tonight and drank the last of my good whisky. I had about a triple I suspect. I haven’t needed a drink like that in a long time but tonight I really did. I need to … Read More
I have a boyfriend again. The concept of it is a bit, sort of confusing to me I guess. But it’s good, I’m sort of almost meditating on the idea of it and coming up with a level of contentment that I wouldn’t have expected a couple of years ago. The Fae Ref spent the … Read More
This is such a weird question to me. I don’t know. When do people start to know? I’ve always known that I find women incredibly attractive, but when I was a teenager the level to which that was normalised seems a lot more than now, like obviously all women find women attractive, it doesn’t mean … Read More
