I love The Princess but her attitude to death I find weird. It really bugged me her not wanting to talk about the serious bits after Dad died and how she actively flinched from his box of ashes. I’ve been thinking a lot about death this week because it’s been a year since Dad died. … Read More
The love of field and coppice Of green and shaded lanes, Of ordered woods and gardens Is running in your veins. Strong love of grey-blue distance, Brown streams and soft, dim skies I know, but cannot share it, My love is otherwise. I love a sunburnt country, A land of sweeping plains, Of ragged mountain ranges, Of droughts and flooding rains. I love her far horizons, I … Read More
Wednesdays this year have been grim in the extreme. This afternoon my Grandma died. My Mum is having a truly awful year. I am weirdly numb right now, there’s no space in my brain or my heart for anything, possibly by anything what I mean is acknowledging whatever is happening. Wednesdays have been truly grim … Read More
Here I am still going out and working in Tier 3 with a vulnerable adult who is getting more vulnerable (absolutely due to lack of stimulation caused by lockdown). I’m basically betting on my O-negative blood beating out my dodgy immune system and sucky lungs. I’m not as nervous as I was back when no … Read More
That stages of grief woman got the emotions bang on. I seem to be rapidly cycling through them some days and other weeks floating through different ones much longer. What is really helping though is my having taken LSD. Not recently, but in the past. (Seriously it was hard already to get hold of it, … Read More
Some days I am better than others. Dad is gone and everything I didn’t manage to do and tell him about some days hits hard. Some days it puts me into his back patio one summer’s day talking about his grief for his Dad. I had longer with him than he had with his Dad. … Read More
No Remote Pride prompt today, it feels weird. I’m missing my Dad. The Princess, Mum and I discussed gravestones today and looked at what we wanted written on Dad’s. There’s some other memorials we talked about too. Mum cried, I didn’t, quite. The Princess is less bothered by grave markers than she is by other … Read More
Well, that’s it. I have made it through my first Father’s Day without Dad. No phonecall home asking him how his beer was or to tell him that it was also the Summer Solstice today and some vaguely pagan words and vague descriptions of the Litha ritual I did. To be honest I think that’s … Read More
Since Dad got ill with pre-Leukaemia and then myeloid leukaemia I’ve been incredibly conscious that any given interaction could be our last. Every phone call that I made, every visit. I really focussed on things I wanted to make sure I told him, like really big life things. And I was aware of what I … Read More
If you had asked me last year what I thought about videoing funerals I would have said there was no need. Upon further questioning I like to think I would have admitted the use of live-streaming for family in disparate parts of the world to attend. (I say this because I delayed going to Japan … Read More
