Category Archives: Diary



Caught Out

I am currently working through therapy in a trauma group. I’m desperately trying to process far too many emotions after really only opening them up last year. I’m unwell in some unspecified way and I’m pursuing diagnosis for mental health treatment on top of everything else. I am normally pretty chill about men’s physicality. A … Read More


Weird Bonuses

My work is varied and weird, freebies and things I have received or been able to buy on expenses include magic the gathering cards, dungeons and dragons books, an awful lot of coffee and of late a whole buttload of LUSH products. I am more than happy to enjoy the bath bombs but now there’s … Read More


Boundaries

There’s a lot in therapy at the moment about setting healthy boundaries, about thinking about who toshare what with. It may suprise you, oh reader of my public diary, that I do in fact have boundaries. Or maybe it won’t if you know me to speak to and can tell how much of what I … Read More


Nightmares

I have had nightmares on and off throughout my life. Usually when I haven’t realised what I’m stressed about sometimes when I have. Last night my subconscious was spectacular. It took the nightmare from last year and the pedestrian getting hit by the car from last week and combined them. Then I was seducing a … Read More



Namedropper

There was a book by Emma Frost that I read and it stayed with me in that way that some books do. I’ve blogged about it before. Because that book very much effected my views on getting stuck in the conventions of relationships. Relationships that impress me remain those that are wide eyed and self-knowing. … Read More


Therapy

Trauma informed therapy is a bit different to previous therapy I’ve done, it’s very focused. I like it and I hate it, which is why I suppose I become a fan of therapy every so often.I have previously described it as being like taking all your clothes off but frankly I do that a lot, … Read More


Pattern Finding Animal

I do know that it’s just how it feels but it is very difficult to feel that things haven’t just spiralled completely down the drain since November. My pattern finding brain is trying to find links that just aren’t there. Crashing the car has causality to my state of mind but seeing really horrible things … Read More