Ok I’m actually warm and I am AMAZED by this. It is very fucking cold, I think it’s been colder but not by much. We haven’t totally scored when it comes to our set up tonight, we’ve missed a couple of things but I’m laying here in my sleeping bag and thank fuck I’m warm. … Read More
I’ve been thinking about asking the psychiatrist tomorrow about what an autistic shutdown looks like. It’s because when I’ve been reading about mental breaks they’ve been talking about immense emotional symptoms whereas I just went to bed and dissociated wildly. However that’s me not recognising my own emotions really, there was a break within my … Read More
(Content Warning – discussion of suicidal ideation, remember the Samaritans are always there for you 116 123) Usually when I stay in Glasgow I end up at the Leonardo on a last minute offer because it’s pretty much unused over a weekend. This weekend that has not happened and I went for the cheapest option … Read More
(Content warning – yet more mental health navel gazing, mention of roleplaying sexual assault) Dissociation is something that in reflection I’ve always been trying to avoid, things that ground me are things that I enjoy doing and they’re largely physical. I’ve always struggled not to paint with my fingers and to wear gloves when I’m … Read More
(Contains spoilers for Les Miserables) Apparently this year I go and see shows in London. This time it was for work. I can tell I’m not over the latest bout of covid because everything just made me incredibly tired. When I wasn’t supporting the boss I was laying down or sleeping. I’m back on the … Read More
Today I’m about to go into a game of dungeons and dragons (as the game-master). The players are probably going to be asking about the Halfling trickster god who last year I decided to describe as The Racconteur. I’ve done that before, memorialised people in games. Somewhere in an Unknown Armies Chicago there are giant … Read More
At some point in Ghost in the Shell: Stand-Alone Complex the Major talks about why she has a watch on her wrist, an analogue one at that. I have all sorts of things in this house that help me to remember, things that wrap me up in the people and experiences that I have had. … Read More
I am glad that I know Glasgow pretty well, not only because it makes studying there easier but also because it doesn’t feel as bad as perhaps it would knowing that the last time I was here I went on a date with The Fae Ref. I suspect if I ever end up in A&E … Read More
2020 was a study in grief for me, an understanding of the sheer heaviness of it, the shaking emotion of it. Every day I had to remind myself in the morning that my father was dead, because I was terrified that I would forget and try to call him or have to relive the initial … Read More
I am staying in The White County at The Jellicle’s parents for Christmas. I’m not sure the last time I was here for Christmas, to be quite honest I’m not sure the last time I wasn’t working until Christmas Eve or Christmas Day and yet this year I finished yesterday and I’m not working again … Read More
