I’m managing to have more fun when it comes to Sigehold socials and social Empire roleplay but they are absolutely the thing that has written large to my psyche quite how disconnected I was feeling. The wild disassociation of a mental break is like nothing I’ve experienced previously but negotiating what part of my psyche … Read More
It’s a question that plagues me every so often there’s this interplay of the private and the public that I have variously ascribed to too much reality tv at a formative age and to my brain being neurodiverse (ADHD, Autism, CPTSD and Anxiety with Depression at last count). Theres a real sense in my mind … Read More
(Content Warning – Mental health healing is messy, I suffered a mental break last year and this entry is basically stream of consciousness thoughts from therapy. Mentions CPTSD, ASD, ADHD and all that good stuff) If you want me to apologise verbally then often I need to know because a lot of times when I’ve … Read More
I struggle regularly, but especially when talking about this blog in real life, with explaining why this is on the internet. Why do I have a blog if not to in some way pose for my audience or perceived audience… and that is in some way true or at least I always thought it was. … Read More
(Content warning – descriptions of me being in pain and thinking about death, including parental death) So I had heart palpitations and a small increase in blood pressure (went from normal to pre high) following about a week on the Lisdexamfetamine and a glass of wine – although according to the doctor that didn’t actually … Read More
When I’m stressed I lose track of time, I don’t mean like I’m late I mean I get floaty and it takes me a good couple of minutes to remember when, where and what year this is. The thing is I also lose track of information, to a much greater degree than I had realised … Read More
I just got off FaceTime to my Mum in which I did a reasonable impersonation of snorting cocaine slightly to the side of the screen. This is obviously because today I got a prescription for Lisdexamfetamine and the doctor had to give me a briefing about not taking illegal drugs or alcohol with it. I … Read More
I’ve been thinking about asking the psychiatrist tomorrow about what an autistic shutdown looks like. It’s because when I’ve been reading about mental breaks they’ve been talking about immense emotional symptoms whereas I just went to bed and dissociated wildly. However that’s me not recognising my own emotions really, there was a break within my … Read More
(Content warning – yet more mental health navel gazing, mention of roleplaying sexual assault) Dissociation is something that in reflection I’ve always been trying to avoid, things that ground me are things that I enjoy doing and they’re largely physical. I’ve always struggled not to paint with my fingers and to wear gloves when I’m … Read More
(Content Warning – Mental Health naval gazing again, a bit of moaning) I am used to my memory being bad, as in, it’s humorous, Mish forgot this that or the other. Mish ended up here and she should have been there. I am used to thinking that the worst of a bad memory I have … Read More
