(Content Warning mentions therapy and ASD, there’s a frank mention of sex at the end). I’ve written here before, about two or three years into my relationship with The Jellicle about the way I feel love most within a group of interconnected loves. M-i-L has been very grateful in the past that my way of … Read More
(Content Warning – my mental health is still not great and this is a musing about that) The last couple of weeks has been bad when it comes to my mental and physical state. Then, driving home from the Empire event a friend messaged me. And my entire body relaxed. The whole conversation I was … Read More
Breathing to now, it’s a technique from therapy, you keep your eyes on a specific place and you breathe, box breathing. I did it in a park in the rain today. The reason you’re supposed do the exercise is to synch you up with what’s actually happening, the premise was you’re supposed to be able … Read More
(Content Warning – I’m being hellishly frank about my mental state in this entry. I’m talking about all that good stuff, mental health, including specific diagnoses, I doubt there’s spoiler for Giovanni: Children of the Black Sun, but no promises. Oh yeah and rape/non-consent and suicide warnings because this is me) I have to admit, … Read More
Last night I got a message inviting me to a birthday celebration at the end of March. It’s at the place Beautiful Lute and I roleplayed in immediately before our first date last year. On the weekend of her birthday. I figure it would give me a chance to hang out somewhere with people and … Read More
Been a while hasn’t it? How do I love? I’ve always described myself as loving widely not deeply. Eighteen years ago I said that I didn’t trust myself when I fell in love, that I couldn’t trust myself to think. I should read my old blog entries more often perhaps, or I’m claiming insight with … Read More
Immediately after breaking up with The Fae Ref and Beautiful Lute I couldn’t cry. No surprise there, it felt like I’d been kicked in the chest and the rest of my body was a sponge of sadness. Eventually I cried. But the problem with being a grown-up and with breaking up just before Christmas is … Read More
I had forgotten how much of a physical feeling heartbreak is. The first time my heart was broken was just before Christmas, possibly even Christmas Eve, I had a secret boyfriend and I had to go up to the payphone the otherside of the village to call him and talk to him without my parents … Read More
(Content Warning: I’m talking about sex and specifics about my sex life) I think the word I want to describe my mood right now is probably jubilant. Jubilant definitely feels right and I’m almost certain it’s got a similar root as jubilee…nope I just checked and it’s similar sounding Latin that’s apparently confusing me. In … Read More
I started explaining to M-i-L and FJ that the biggest lesson I had learnt over the weekend was not to have a first kiss whilst in character and they started laughing. I had actually forgotten that I reffed their first kiss… or at least I was a ref that weekend. I still maintain watching him … Read More
