I can tell I missed my anxiety meds this morning, I am plagued by thoughts dancing around telling me what a disappointment I was to my Dad. I think that coming up to this first anniversary we are all going to find things hard. I wish I’d been well when he died, I wish I … Read More
Content warning: Mention of the death of a parent Ancestors. Whew. Ancestors. Dad died last year and that was heavy. There were a number of festivals and symbls before I could speak a toast to him. There was a great deal of comfort in his having visited one Yule and participated in a symbl. My … Read More
Wednesdays this year have been grim in the extreme. This afternoon my Grandma died. My Mum is having a truly awful year. I am weirdly numb right now, there’s no space in my brain or my heart for anything, possibly by anything what I mean is acknowledging whatever is happening. Wednesdays have been truly grim … Read More
Here I am still going out and working in Tier 3 with a vulnerable adult who is getting more vulnerable (absolutely due to lack of stimulation caused by lockdown). I’m basically betting on my O-negative blood beating out my dodgy immune system and sucky lungs. I’m not as nervous as I was back when no … Read More
That stages of grief woman got the emotions bang on. I seem to be rapidly cycling through them some days and other weeks floating through different ones much longer. What is really helping though is my having taken LSD. Not recently, but in the past. (Seriously it was hard already to get hold of it, … Read More
I have been and am very lucky. I’m very social as standard, I have a lot of friendly acquaintances and friends and I honestly haven’t found this lockdown to be an isolating experience. Dad dying did completely shut me down, there appeared at least three people at my door bearing gifts and cards and flowers … Read More
Some days I am better than others. Dad is gone and everything I didn’t manage to do and tell him about some days hits hard. Some days it puts me into his back patio one summer’s day talking about his grief for his Dad. I had longer with him than he had with his Dad. … Read More
No Remote Pride prompt today, it feels weird. I’m missing my Dad. The Princess, Mum and I discussed gravestones today and looked at what we wanted written on Dad’s. There’s some other memorials we talked about too. Mum cried, I didn’t, quite. The Princess is less bothered by grave markers than she is by other … Read More
If you had asked me last year what I thought about videoing funerals I would have said there was no need. Upon further questioning I like to think I would have admitted the use of live-streaming for family in disparate parts of the world to attend. (I say this because I delayed going to Japan … Read More
Once, when I was ten or eleven and I and my family were on holiday in the south of France, we went to a beach the day after a storm. The waves were like nothing I’d seen before and like nothing I’ve seen since, though I’m sure they grew in my imagination. In my memory … Read More
