(Content Warning: Mentions my own suicidal ideation and preferred method) Turns out you probably can be Depressed without being suicidal. I guess that’s something of a learning curve. I haven’t been suicidal in a really long time, like I think over a year. I don’t think I’d properly absorbed that. I’m suicidal again, I don’t … Read More
It’s a question that plagues me every so often there’s this interplay of the private and the public that I have variously ascribed to too much reality tv at a formative age and to my brain being neurodiverse (ADHD, Autism, CPTSD and Anxiety with Depression at last count). Theres a real sense in my mind … Read More
I think that I’m naturally quite a cheerful and confident person. I suspect that seems ridiculous to assert but I really do see my Depression, complete with its suicide ideation, as being separate to my self. The way I’ve always dealt with it, from my teens until present day, is by seeing it as a … Read More
Spent the day with M-I-L playing puzzle games while FJ is in London. Gossip, decorative style and writing were the topics of the day. She is much better and more organised at writing research than I am, surprising no one I would guess. It was a good day. Then I drove home in the rain … Read More
Rejection Sensitivity is one of those things that I’ve always kind of assumed I don’t have. I certainly don’t get sensitive to everyday rejections, or rather things that other people seem to perceive as rejection but that I don’t. I think that’s the key point here really I don’t assume I’m being rejected right up … Read More
I actually felt some semblance of connection around the Sigehold campfire tonight. Which is pretty good considering I haven’t really been feeling that lately. It was just the trace of it but it was enough to enjoy for now I think. The fire was not especially warming against the cold but the stories were familiar … Read More
I think I might be Depressed. But that doesn’t feel right to be honest, I feel somehow dissociated from my own self. None of this feels like The Swamp, I’ve been managed my own Depression pretty well and this doesn’t feel right. My willpower is pretty shot right now, I know that I have excess … Read More
I don’t know if it’s unregulated emotions or what but every so often this feeling that it’s all going to be alright absolutely washes over me. There’s no rhyme or reason to it just this sense that authenticity is the way, truth and love and all of it. I think this is what’s making me … Read More
(Content Warning – poor mental health, description of a mental break, mention of suicide) I’ve mentioned a few times that I suffered from a mental break last year. They used to be called nervous breakdowns. Technically a doctor can’t say definitively that I did because I didn’t immediately end up in in-patient care. However two … Read More
M-i-L suggested that all the awful at the end of last year was to balance out all the good stuff over the summer. Well, it’s still happening and I’m not a fan. The thing about the heights of feeling last year, the sheer ecstasy is that this year I have the lows. The physically painful … Read More
