I do know that it’s just how it feels but it is very difficult to feel that things haven’t just spiralled completely down the drain since November. My pattern finding brain is trying to find links that just aren’t there. Crashing the car has causality to my state of mind but seeing really horrible things … Read More
2020 was a study in grief for me, an understanding of the sheer heaviness of it, the shaking emotion of it. Every day I had to remind myself in the morning that my father was dead, because I was terrified that I would forget and try to call him or have to relive the initial … Read More
(Content Warning – this is pretty grim in case the title doesn’t give that away) In the last ten years I’ve seen three people be run over in Lancaster and thats honestly beginning to feel like a lot. My whole life is beginning to feel like a lot to be quite honest, which is possibly … Read More
I kind of hate the compliment some medical professionals use – that of having good insight into your mental health condition. I mean I get it, it’s like warning the phlebotomist that you might faint before she takes your blood. But, when you’re literally trying to think about what’s happening and the sodding organ that … Read More
The thing that I do love about polyamory, that I’ve loved since before the Jellicle and I started this weird loving journey of ours is how each love adds to the loves you already have. How learning to love another person, understanding and building that language with them means you add to the language you … Read More
Last year I had a traumatic experience. I had more than one if I want to get granular but honestly since seeing the girl who attempted suicide I feel like all the negatives in my life have been turned up to eleven. Realistically what’s happening is I feel like everything is more negative and I … Read More
My job is stressful. But the thing is, the way I do my job is stressful. I can’t seem to explain why I need to not do my job the way I do because I’m not paid enough to do it the way I do. It comes across as materialistic and it’s not exactly, it’s … Read More
I’m pretty fucking angry right now. Today I was explaining to someone that I had worked throughout the pandemic. I was asked if I worked retail. No… I was asked if I worked in healthcare, specifically the first question was if I was a nurse. No… I explained I was a support worker. Oh like … Read More
Last night I got a message inviting me to a birthday celebration at the end of March. It’s at the place Beautiful Lute and I roleplayed in immediately before our first date last year. On the weekend of her birthday. I figure it would give me a chance to hang out somewhere with people and … Read More
I wasn’t really feeling my birthday this year. I had planned to have dinner with my partners. All of them meeting each other. Then to rent a place with my Welsh partners to just hang in, to make some art in, and then… we broke up instead. I couldn’t share with them and so I’ve … Read More
