Today was another hospital day to follow up on my having testosterone doing weird things and too much cortisol in my system. To follow up I have to pee into a bucket for twenty fours again as they think that my cortisol should be going down. In other words they were worried I might have … Read More
Fucking hell. I, and – fuck it I can’t be the only one – a whole chunk of my generation, have had some bad luck when it comes to children’s tv presenters. Jimmy Saville was just too fucked up for words but at least it was – in hindsight for those of us viewers who … Read More
Today I’m exhausted and in pain. Dancing on Saturday was great but oh I’m still paying for it in codeine. I’ve been doing trauma work for about six months now and it I dunno ramped up a notch? This last week. I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted as well as physically. Honestly I’ve been making progress … Read More
The way I understand the world is relational. I don’t think that’s a word. The way I understand what’s happening in the world around me is by understanding what context things are in. Something is seen only in relation to other things, relation to time, to space, to people. If someone asks a question like … Read More
It was Wrong Mike and Rabbit Girl’s joint 40th birthday party tonight and it was 80s/90s themed. Rather than wear something that I would have worn in the 90s (which is what Goat was wearing – combats and plaid) I opted to take some inspiration from the last time I got gussied up for a … Read More
I called in sick to work this morning, at least partly because of the weird (wyrd?) episode I had on Tuesday. Immediately I did so I felt guilty, pulling a sicky when you work one to one with disabled people is absolutely not on. Then I couldn’t get out of bed. Not in a Depression … Read More
I love bright colours and I love nice scents (no honestly since the nasal irrigation started taking oh Lordy I can smell things!) so I guess flowers are the obvious combination of that. They make me incredibly happy to receive, they’re like a physically incarnate smile. They’ve featured a couple of times on my #fivetinylittlejoys … Read More
(More mental health stuff) This entry was supposed to be happy verging on triumphant all about how I had cleaned the toilet for the first time since Dad died. (Yes I have not cleaned the toilet in a little over three years). I would like to point out for hygiene reasons that I do live … Read More
I think that I’m naturally quite a cheerful and confident person. I suspect that seems ridiculous to assert but I really do see my Depression, complete with its suicide ideation, as being separate to my self. The way I’ve always dealt with it, from my teens until present day, is by seeing it as a … Read More
I’m tired and this is probably not going to make much sense, but ok, listen (not drunk, not high, don’t have covid and am not having another mental break) you know how I was in therapy last year to basically have emotions again/connect with them? And then I was in the most emotionally securing full … Read More
