It’s the utter waves like water of The Swamp that I hate. Woke up this morning with more apologies than a Canadian and figured that that really was going to be it for today. I’m just incredibly sad with no reason why. Trying to explain what I do for work is miserable, there’s always been … Read More
(Content Warning: Mental Health stuff including mentioning suicidal ideation) I have been Depressed pretty much as long as I can remember, I have a name for it even, The Swamp. Maybe the stuff pre seven years old wasn’t Depression per se but some of those thoughts are at the very least concerning with hindsight. This … Read More
I think that I’m naturally quite a cheerful and confident person. I suspect that seems ridiculous to assert but I really do see my Depression, complete with its suicide ideation, as being separate to my self. The way I’ve always dealt with it, from my teens until present day, is by seeing it as a … Read More
Spent the day with M-I-L playing puzzle games while FJ is in London. Gossip, decorative style and writing were the topics of the day. She is much better and more organised at writing research than I am, surprising no one I would guess. It was a good day. Then I drove home in the rain … Read More
(Content Warning – talking about suicide, attempts, ideation the whole shebang, poor mental health and all that jazz) I think it was talking to Cornish Bloke soon after my Dad had passed, or possibly Tarot Pupil or The Fae Ref as we lost parents or parental figures that year within weeks of each other. In … Read More
I think I might be Depressed. But that doesn’t feel right to be honest, I feel somehow dissociated from my own self. None of this feels like The Swamp, I’ve been managed my own Depression pretty well and this doesn’t feel right. My willpower is pretty shot right now, I know that I have excess … Read More
I don’t know if it’s unregulated emotions or what but every so often this feeling that it’s all going to be alright absolutely washes over me. There’s no rhyme or reason to it just this sense that authenticity is the way, truth and love and all of it. I think this is what’s making me … Read More
(Content Warning – poor mental health, description of a mental break, mention of suicide) I’ve mentioned a few times that I suffered from a mental break last year. They used to be called nervous breakdowns. Technically a doctor can’t say definitively that I did because I didn’t immediately end up in in-patient care. However two … Read More
(Content Warning – discussion of my own suicidal ideation though not in an immediate sense, thoughts about Death) Apparently more people still read this blog than I thought – hi Archie! And I mean still, we’re talking twenty years of this thing come October. Archie is my longest subscriber. It’s reasonably well known that I … Read More
Content Warning: Suicide I have two more weeks of therapy left and I don’t think I have the words for how much I have cried on Thursdays this year. My therapist is ridiculously kind to me, except she isn’t, she’s normal person kind and I’m apparently ridiculously harsh on myself. Which I would ridicule except … Read More
