I think that I’m naturally quite a cheerful and confident person. I suspect that seems ridiculous to assert but I really do see my Depression, complete with its suicide ideation, as being separate to my self. The way I’ve always dealt with it, from my teens until present day, is by seeing it as a … Read More
(Content Warning, some mention of real world emotional states) I LARP to cry. Specifically I LARP to properly sob, ideally crawling around spottily expelling deep sadness. I LARP to bleed. Not literally, I mean the Nordic term where you access your real emotions in order to further the scene. I guess I method LARP. Or, … Read More
(Content Warning – more of me musing on my mental health which is pretty poor right now) I’ve mentioned before my struggling with the way Laura Richards signs off from Real Crime Profile, her sign off is ‘Always trust your instincts’ and I’ve written before about how I was taught not to trust my instincts, … Read More
There’s a lot in therapy at the moment about setting healthy boundaries, about thinking about who toshare what with. It may suprise you, oh reader of my public diary, that I do in fact have boundaries. Or maybe it won’t if you know me to speak to and can tell how much of what I … Read More
Trauma informed therapy is a bit different to previous therapy I’ve done, it’s very focused. I like it and I hate it, which is why I suppose I become a fan of therapy every so often.I have previously described it as being like taking all your clothes off but frankly I do that a lot, … Read More
(Content Warning: I am going to be frank about how I managed my reactions upon being confronted by an unexpected assault in a LARP, my having been raped, being queer as a teen in the nineties – don’t read if you’re not up for it) Why am I writing this? Mostly to get it out … Read More
In two weeks I will complete my current run of therapy. It’s been a bit of a trip, working through and processing old trauma right in the middle of new trauma. Trying to remain present when all this is happening around me is really hard and my coping mechanisms have gotten really unhealthy. On the … Read More
Content Warning: Suicide I have two more weeks of therapy left and I don’t think I have the words for how much I have cried on Thursdays this year. My therapist is ridiculously kind to me, except she isn’t, she’s normal person kind and I’m apparently ridiculously harsh on myself. Which I would ridicule except … Read More
In tabletop roleplay the person running the game is the GM, I don’t know why I’m explaining that, if you’re reading this I highly doubt you need me to. In anycase, the GM running my life has a sense of humour because my Therapist started talking about the roleplaying games I’ve mentioned to her over … Read More
I got cancelled on by my therapist tonight, she claimed to have a powercut. In reality she likely did, however I caught myself analysing last week’s session for things that I could have done wrong. I was a bit upset following my Mum’s birthday (the first one without Dad) – I know, so unexpected right?! … Read More
