It’s the utter waves like water of The Swamp that I hate. Woke up this morning with more apologies than a Canadian and figured that that really was going to be it for today. I’m just incredibly sad with no reason why. Trying to explain what I do for work is miserable, there’s always been … Read More
I was driving along a particular junction in Lancaster today and I suddenly really wanted to go drink a beer in one of the skankiest pubs I’ve ever been to. It was a canal boat permanently moored up and reachable through basically a field and muddy footpath. The only reason I ever went to the … Read More
(Content Warning – description of seeing a suicide attempt. A lot of rambling and a lot of Mental health stuff) About six months ago I saw a girl in school uniform hanging from barbed wire under a bridge. And it totally wrecked me. I’ve been doing a lot of therapy. I’ve been doing a lot … Read More
Today I’m exhausted and in pain. Dancing on Saturday was great but oh I’m still paying for it in codeine. I’ve been doing trauma work for about six months now and it I dunno ramped up a notch? This last week. I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted as well as physically. Honestly I’ve been making progress … Read More
I called in sick to work this morning, at least partly because of the weird (wyrd?) episode I had on Tuesday. Immediately I did so I felt guilty, pulling a sicky when you work one to one with disabled people is absolutely not on. Then I couldn’t get out of bed. Not in a Depression … Read More
I think that I’m naturally quite a cheerful and confident person. I suspect that seems ridiculous to assert but I really do see my Depression, complete with its suicide ideation, as being separate to my self. The way I’ve always dealt with it, from my teens until present day, is by seeing it as a … Read More
(Content Warning – Mental health healing is messy, I suffered a mental break last year and this entry is basically stream of consciousness thoughts from therapy. Mentions CPTSD, ASD, ADHD and all that good stuff) If you want me to apologise verbally then often I need to know because a lot of times when I’ve … Read More
No nicknames used here, first names only. I’m maudlin at the drop of a hat at the best of times but the other week when I had the bad reaction to the Lisdexamfetamine I genuinely wondered if I was about to drop dead that second with nary a real warning or indication it was going … Read More
I actually felt some semblance of connection around the Sigehold campfire tonight. Which is pretty good considering I haven’t really been feeling that lately. It was just the trace of it but it was enough to enjoy for now I think. The fire was not especially warming against the cold but the stories were familiar … Read More
Today I cried. Nominally because I was printing out massage forms for a case study and it wasn’t The Racconteur. This is the first course I’m doing that he isn’t one of my case studies. My tutor in Glasgow is never going to tell me she thinks I made him up. For the last fortnight … Read More
